★ PTSDIY · Field Manual ★ Part VI ★
Chapter 28
For partners and families
Support without disappearing
FM 28-FAM-301Ongoing
28-1.Mission brief
PTSD doesn't only happen to one person. Partners, kids and parents live with the irritability, the distance and the nights. This chapter is for them: what helps, what accidentally hurts, and how to stay whole yourself.
Operator note — You can't be the therapist and the partner. Pick partner.
28-2.Intel
Couples-based PTSD treatment such as Cognitive-Behavioral Conjoint Therapy improves symptoms and relationship satisfaction in trials. Family involvement also makes people more likely to stay in treatment.
28-3.What helps, what hurts
| Helps | Accidentally hurts |
|---|---|
| Asking what they need | Pushing them to talk about the trauma |
| Learning their triggers and warning signs | Walking on eggshells and rearranging life around avoidance |
| Encouraging treatment without nagging | Ultimatums in the heat of an argument |
| Keeping your own friends and routines | Making their recovery your full-time job |
28-4.Field procedures
| 01 | Learn the mapRead Chapters 2 and 4 together, or on your own. |
| 02 | Agree on a signalA word that means "I'm getting triggered, I need 20 minutes." Return when the time is up. |
| 03 | Know the safety planAsk to see their Chapter 8 plan, and where you fit in it. |
| 04 | Protect your tankOne thing a week that's just for you. Your own therapy is not a betrayal. |
28-5.Rules of engagement
Warning — Love doesn't require accepting abuse. If you or your children are unsafe, your safety comes first. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788.
28-6.Common faults & corrections
| ✕ | Fault: Taking it personallyCorrection: Irritability and distance are symptoms. They're real, and they're not a verdict on you. |
28-7.Call for backup
Ask about couples-based PTSD therapy. The VA's Coaching Into Care program helps families encourage a veteran toward care. Kids benefit from age-appropriate explanations; school counselors can help.
PTSDIY · FM 28-FAM-301 · Part VI28